Chapter Forty-Three – The Things We Don't Say

Lara rose from the ground shaking and walked towards the test. She gasped and threw herself into Kwame’s chest. Her reaction confused him so he picked it and looked. The line was as clear as day. It was positive.

He thought he was in some terrible dream and distractedly consoled Lara as she sobbed into his chest. “It’s okay. We’re okay” he said, not believing it himself.

*

While Lara’s life was falling apart, I was busy trying to salvage my friendship with Boateng who’d suggested that we go for a drive. The drive had been fun and now we were just sitting in his car while music played.

“Oh, this is my song” I said, turning up the volume. He smiled. “I know, that’s why I chose it.” I sang along and he joined me for a bit. After the song had passed, we were silent.

“Do you think we can ever be the way we were?” I asked him. I was afraid of the answer.

“I don’t know. I want us to be. You’re very important to me, Araba whether that’s as my friend or my girlfriend. You’re the person I always want to be with.”

I looked away. This was all too much.

“I wish you’d never told me, Boateng. Maybe then we could at least pretend to be friends but now it’s just strange. It doesn’t even feel right. I always feel like I’m cheating on Sly when I’m with you, even when we’re not doing anything.”

“I know.”

“So, why’d you do it? Why would you make things weird?”

“I know it was selfish. I’m sorry. I was confused myself for the longest time. I couldn’t stop thinking about why I would say that I liked you if I didn’t actually mean it. Why was I jealous when you were with someone else? Why was no other relationship working? So, when my therapist finally helped me understand, I just had to shoot my shot. I needed to put it out there as part of my healing process.”

“I like Sly. I really, really like Sly.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

“Can I ask you one thing though, and we will never talk about this again, I promise. I’m working to move on.”

I nodded even though in my heart of hearts; I didn’t want him to ask.

“Was there ever a time where we stood a chance? Like was there ever a time you liked me in that way?”

“I guess in the beginning, yes. I thought about it a lot but then I figured we were better as friends. That’s all I want, for us to be friends.”

Boateng’s face killed me. He seemed so genuine, sad and disappointed. I hated that I had been making him feel that way for the past few months. I leaned over and embraced him. We stayed there for several minutes.

Here is where I advise you get tinted glasses because the entire time, Sly had been with his friends not to far away, watching the whole thing.

*

Carl was in disbelief as Angela opened up to him about the fact that she’d initially been living in the States when her parents sent her to Ghana because she was being a ‘bad girl’ as they put it. At first, she’d thought it was for a couple of weeks but it had been eight years. To cope with the guilt and everything, she found cutting herself made it easier.

Carl could not believe it. He’d only ever seen those things in movies, never in real life, much less in Ghana.

“Why are you telling me all this? You don’t even know me?” Carl asked, realizing how much this girl had shared.

“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to tell somebody.”

Carl understood that.

“So, when was the last time you cut yourself?” he asked.

“It’s been months. School’s been great. I’m around lots of great people and I’ve been feeling great about myself. I haven’t been feeling like a bad girl lately.”

Carl grabbed Angela and squeezed her tight. “You aren’t a bad girl” he said.

*

Lara was having a hard time drinking her juice. Kwame just sat in silence watching her. He had no idea what to say.

“I know a guy that can help me get some pills. Kwame we are doing the right thing right? We are both young, we aren’t ready to be parents. It’s the right thing to do.”

Kwame nodded and touched Lara’s hand reassuringly.

Level 200 wasn’t at all what we thought it was going to be.

I went to see Sly the next day and his entire countenance was off. He wasn’t his usual warm welcoming self and he didn’t seem enthused about any of the things I suggested we do.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. I’m just tired. We went round campaigning today. How was your night last night? What did you do?”

“It was great. I didn’t do much. After the interview I was exhausted so I called it a night after I got something to eat.”

Why did I lie? Reader, I have no idea. I suppose I figured if he knew I was with Boateng, he would ask what we talked about and then maybe he would find out that Boateng had confessed his love for me. He already didn’t like him, the last thing I wanted to do was to bring him up and ruin our night.

I was so busy worrying about my lie that I didn’t notice the disappointed look on Sly’s face. He decided to change the topic and brought up his upcoming birthday.

“This year, I want it to be just me and you. Let’s do something fun. What do you have in mind?” he asked.

I was still distracted by guilt so I smiled and suggested that we go to the movies. Again, I didn’t notice the disappointed look on Sly’s face.