Chapter Eighty-Four – Dumb Decisions 101

I believe there are about four stages in the doing of something dumb. Let’s review.

The first stage is the setting. This is where you put yourself in the right set of conditions to do the dumb thing. Here, every factor necessary to do it is satisfied. For instance, you may be on a diet. Then you walk into a KFC. This is the setting. Surely, surrounding yourself with fried chicken, fries, sundaes and soft drinks is a recipe for disaster. That’s what leads to the second stage.

The second stage is delusion. This is where you delude yourself into thinking that though the conditions for disaster are satisfied, you can still possibly resist the temptation. This stage is a very funny one. Back to our diet example, this is where you think that even though you love a good spicy fried chicken, you will be content with just a bottle of water. You’re delusional.

This delusion will now carry over into the third stage. The stage is forgetfulness/numbness. This is the part where you completely forget why you didn’t want to do something in the first place. At this point, the chicken is in your mouth and the soft drink is by your side. You’ve forgotten why you were on a diet. You’ve forgotten why you didn’t want to have the chicken in the first place. You’ve succumbed to the temptation of the sweet smells and you could practically taste the chicken before it entered your mouth.

Then comes the last and final stage. This is what I call ‘the eye-clear’. This is where the temptation subsides. You’ve given in and now all the things you forgot come flooding back. You’re immediately reminded why you weren’t meant to do the thing in the first place. Some people also call this post-nut clarity.

This was Kwame. The feelings of guilt, shame and ‘what the hell did I just do?’ came flooding in almost immediately. What is with men and having all this clarity after the act. Could you not have done this introspection before the deed was done?

At this juncture, let me tell you a story. This story is about Boateng’s ultimate betrayal.

As you know, Boateng found out that Sly and I had started talking again and he was not amused about this news. In a fit of rage and resignation, he had gone knocking on Aseda’s door. I don’t think it’s necessary to share what happened that night. let’s just talk about the aftermath.

Boateng had been in his room thinking about what he’d done. He knew it was a dumb idea before doing it but at that time he didn’t want to think. He was in the third stage. Now that it was over though, he had full possession off his faculties to realize how his actions could complicate everything.

At the same time, was there something to even complicate? He’d seen the way that I was with Sly when we were together. There was no way with him back in the picture I was going to say no and it wasn’t fair to him to keep hanging around me, hoping that by some miracle I saw his worth. Aseda was a nice enough girl and if I hadn’t asked him to wait, he’d have pursued her by now. So, he’d gone that night thinking he was done waiting. In hindsight, maybe he was a bit too rash in his decision.

The truth was that he still liked me, try as he might to avoid his feelings. They were never going to go away no matter how hard he tried and Aseda didn’t deserve that. He’d be with her, the whole time thinking that he settled and she was worth more than that.

Boateng thought to himself that the best thing to do was really throw himself out there before it was too late. He had danced around the issue for too long; always confessing his true feelings when it was too late. This time would be different. This time he would say how he felt first and if by some miracle I came to my senses, then he and I could finally be together.

With this in mind, he had come to see me, promising me that he was going to wait till I was ready. Purposefully omitting the part where he’d already slept with the girl I didn’t like.

Afterwards, he had gone to see Aseda who was thrilled to see him at her door. They hadn’t really spoken since the night before and she was hoping that this could be the start of a new chapter for the both of them. Boateng was smart, handsome and kind. This was precisely the kind of guy she’d thought of dating when she came to the university.

At first, things had been going well and she was really sure they would grow beyond mentee and mentor into something more. After all, they could classify themselves as friends. However, Boateng had withdrawn. He stopped replying texts and then later told her he couldn’t mentor her anymore, passing her off to another girl in our class. Aseda was hurt. What possibly could have gone wrong?

When she talked to Phyllis about it, she quickly learned that Boateng and I had a thing going and that could probably be why. Aseda resigned herself to a broken heart. That was until she’d opened her door to find Boateng standing there like a cute broken little boy.

He said he was sad and could use some company. They talked for a while and one thing led to another.

Now, Aseda knew that he was heartbroken because of me. She also knew that being the rebound girl was not the best idea. But how does that saying go? Ah, yes! A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. This was the only chance she could possibly get to insert herself as a wedge between Boateng and I and have the man of her dreams. She wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass her by.

So, she too had made a dumb decision.

Seeing Boateng at her door again gave her a thrill. She had spent the morning thinking that he would probably ghost her now. Thankfully, he’d come to his senses and was here now. Perhaps this meant her risky plan paid off.

She started to suspect that her hopes were about to be dashed when Boateng’s disposition was not one of excitement. He didn’t seem like someone excited to start a new chapter with an amazing girl. He looked even more deflated than the night before.

Aseda felt a lump rise in her chest and before she could even get her two cents in, Boateng made his position clear.

“Last night was great and all but I’m sorry. I am in love with Araba and she’s the one I want to be with. What happened was a mistake. It should have never happened.” This is a heavily summarized rendition but do you want the story to move quickly or not? Okay. I will admit, this is how I wish he said it but he was actually more sensitive and kinder. But this is how Aseda received it, anyway.

Can you imagine getting told that? I bet she was thinking to herself that she must have been an awful partner. Otherwise, how was he saying this? Only that Boateng and I had been years in the making. She never stood a chance. It was better this way, anyway. The old Boateng might not have been honest; stringing her along and wasting her time.

She’d slapped him of course. No other reaction would have made sense. She felt used and betrayed. How could he sleep with her and then come and tell her the next day that it was a mistake? How was she a mistake? Her very essence had been reduced to this accidental misstep in his life and it was too much for her to bare.

Her initial reaction of rage gave way to desperation. She liked Boateng and she wanted to be with him. She started blowing up his phone, trying to talk to him. Nothing was working. So, when Phyllis mentioned my birthday party, she saw her chance. If she told me about what happened between the two of them, it was sure to cause a rift. I was an unnecessarily principled person who took things way too seriously.

Her plan had worked. She’d watched with relish as I exploded at Boateng. Surely, there’d be no us now and Boateng would finally move on.

There was a slight miscalculation in her masterplan though. She hadn’t accounted for the fact that Boateng would be angry with her for revealing the truth in that way.

“Boateng, I’m sorry,” she’d cried, chasing after him as he was leaving. Boateng didn’t stop or turn around. He pressed the unlock button on his car key and Aseda rushed forward to block his way. “I’m sorry,” she said more quietly now.

Boateng slipped the key into his pocket. “Why would you do this?”. His voice was laced with so much hurt that it sent shivers down Aseda’s spine. She hadn’t meant to hurt him this badly. She knew he liked me, she’d told him that much but she hadn’t expected him to look so hurt. Her heart sank. What the hell was she doing? This man would never be hers. Why hadn’t she figured that out the moment he stopped mentoring her. What a fool she’d been.

“I thought…I was upset… she deserved to know the truth,” Aseda stuttered her way around an explanation.

Boateng nodded in silent resignation. He understood exactly why Aseda had done it. He just wanted to hear her say it out loud. She couldn’t handle his rejection and now she was doing this to punish him.

“I hope you’re happy now,” he said, opening his car door. He was done with this conversation. There was nothing more to say. He had done the wrong thing and now it was back to bite him in the ass. There was no point having a verbal altercation with Aseda. She’d done what he was supposed to and that was all.

“No. I never meant to hurt you,” Aseda responded desperately. She stepped closer to him, hoping that she could touch him and show him how sorry she was. “I wasn’t thinking,” she continued. If she could say a million words to make things right, she would. But in this moment, those were the only things she could think to say.

“What you did was wicked and vindictive.”

That’s all Boateng said before driving off. He wanted to find me.